Today’s blog is near and dear to my heart, because it involves looking back at all of the dreams and goals you wrote down in yesterday action steps, and asking yourself: Who do you have to be, to deserve your dream life?
And if you missed yesterday’s blog, you can catch up on the latest three articles, that will bring you from feeling lost in life, to analyzing how to achieve your life’s biggest dreams.
Catch Up Below:
This question was once asked of me by Tony Robbins when I went through a marriage seminar that he was organizing. In his context, he was using this question to prompt us to write a list of all the attributes, characteristics, behaviors, and values of the type of person had to be, to achieve my perfect marriage.
For me, it was incredibly eye-opening, because I believe that it is too easy for us to continually point blame at others when our lives don’t turn out the way they “should.” And the more we look for blame at others, the more angry and bitter we become at those we profess to love the most.
To stop the habit of blame and therefore, take control of the person we desire to become (and consequently the life we want) we must first take ownership for our current reality and learn to harness that ownership into freedom.
And because I want to sincerely give mad props where props are due, to learn more about Tony Robbins who has 100% transformed my life from the moment I first discovered his teachings, I highly recommend his book. He also has impressive seminars like Unleash The Power Within, that are beyond magical when trying to change your life!
Overcoming Your Anger At Others
If you are hurting in your life, anger is usually at the helm of your focus. Especially for example, when it comes to other relationships, you might have, or repeatedly failed dreams. Most people tend to spend their lives fighting – always in angst and anger, against something…financial status, relationship woes, career success (or lack thereof), the envy of others, marriage, jealousy, stress. We even tend to fight the things that we want the most. By continually dwelling in that anger, we tend to focus on only those things that anger us in the first place.
It is proven by scientifically smart people (like quantum physicists and smartypants like that,) that your thoughts produce energy. So wherever you lend your focus, you are directing your energy towards that one idea.
But if you are in a habit of living in a state of anger, you are perpetually thinking about all the things in your life, that make you angry. Which only serves to build up more anger within your heart.
We cannot learn to harness our highest potential and live in a state of abundant creativity if we are too busy focusing on everything else that makes us fucking angry with the world.
Do you have something valid to bitch about? Probably. Do you have aches in your heart, after someone else wronged you? Probably.
Anger seems like a natural – and justified – reaction. He did this to me! It feels good to be angry. It feels empowering. You may even feel significant, or justified, in your anger. And maybe, you are.
But here’s the rub: being angry at another person or a circumstance in your life, is like drinking poison and hoping it harms that other person. Your anger is poisoning you and you only. If you are habitually furious that you keep getting bypassed for that promotion at work, and every time you see your boss you experience a burst of resentment, then you are ruining your day and therefore, your own life. Not his.
Anger does not serve you. Anger keeps you living in the shitty circumstances that you’ve created for yourself.
If you’ve been living in this state of anger, I get it. It’s easy to feel justified in our anger because this gives us a sense of control over our lives. And as humans, most of us yearn for control & certainty, likes it’s our full-time job.
To sit back and trust in something greater than ourselves…or to be vulnerable…or to let go, is scary as shit. We are deciding to live in a state of uncertainty and, even if certainty causes us pain, most of us opt for that because at least we remain in our comfort zone.
To break free of your anger, to let go of the justification that you feel like you deserve to have this pity, you must learn to take ownership in your life.
Ownership = Freedom
Last year, I read a book by Jocko Willink entitled “Extreme Ownership,” that was a massive eye-opener for me.
“Implementing Extreme Ownership requires checking your ego and operating with a high degree of humility. Admitting mistakes, taking ownership, and developing a plan to overcome challenges are integral to any successful team.”
Imagonna be honest here… taking ownership for your life – all the goodness and the shittiness and the stuff in between – is no picnic. But taking ownership for yourself is essential if you are determined to take full control over your life, instead of feeling like you are adrift or lost.
To me, taking full ownership of a situation means choosing to accept responsibility for the outcome, whether good or bad. Now, many people might grind their feet in here and say “you can’t always take ownership.” Well, I disagree. Here’s why.
When you don’t accept responsibility for everything in your life – even the truly shitty things that seem beyond control – you are taking the power of your own life, and giving it away for the rest of the world to do with it, what they will.
You are putting these vibes out into the Universe that says “I have no power. I have no control. And thus, I cannot determine or change my life,” which of course, is the exact opposite of what we are trying to accomplish here.
At first blush, accepting ownership for all the shitty stuff – the flat tire, getting fired, having an affair – doesn’t seem fair. It is, however, empowering. If you can grasp your significance, you can choose to turn that power around and to focus it on changing your life in a way that you’ve always wanted.
The same energy that you put out into the world that caused your car accident can be refocused and bring about the biggest blessings. And this my friends is what gives you the ability and the freedom to create a life you truly want. You have the freedom and 100% of the ability to direct your life. You write the script. If life doesn’t look like you want it to, change it!
The decisions you made yesterday, are what created today. If you want to change your tomorrow, recognize and own your focus, and redirect it to blessings, growth, and joy.
Remember, this is not about blaming or harnessing anger at yourself or others. This exercise is about ownership and agreeing to take control of who YOU are. You cannot change others. Nor can you go around pointing fingers.
For every finger you point as someone else, there are 4 more pointing back at you.
Use this action step below, to truly focus on yourself. Make a conscious choice to put aside your hurt, to set aside your anger, to put aside your depression, and undertake the task of becoming the person that you’ve always wanted to be!
Trust me, as you move into your highest purpose and your most authentic self, all those other people who have caused you to hurt will begin their own transformation as well. It’s time to change yourself and your life and to let everyone else go.
Steps To Become The Person You’ve Always Wanted To Be
- Write down the name of 1 person in your life that you currently admire (Example: your Best friend)
- Write down the name of 1 person from any time era that you respect (Example: Anne Frank)
- Write down the name of 1 fictional character that you admire. (Example: Harry Potter)
- Now for each person that you listed above, write down four characteristics that you love about them. (Example: Anne Frank is courageous, audacious, optimistic, and forgiving.)
- Now, look at the list of qualities – there should be 12 qualities or inspirational words written down. These are the words that symbolize your goal for living intentionally and can serve as inspiration for you encounter roadblocks ahead.
- Choose one word that particularly resonates with you, and circle it. This word is your new Word Of The Year…which will be the characteristic that will continuously be a focal point…so you can concentrate on behaving in this way
- Use your Word Of The Year to become your metric and assess if you are acting like the person who deserves your dream life